(Laughter) I don’t know. This is all good. We need to go to Sam Edelman in SoHo.” Well, if you know New York City, Manhattan and SoHo is a long cab ride away. Is it fair to say that if you put Christ at the center of your relationship, He can smooth out some of those rough edges? John: It’s always great to have Dr. Leman here at Focus on the Family. Well, and Jim, I mean, you finally had to…, Jim: “You know, Jean, when my head is hitting the pillow, I’m not totally with you.”. And what’s the odds of it bursting into a huge thing? He said, “Dr. Somebody cut you off in traffic. He’s known as “The Birth Order Guy” and he has some strong insights on how the order in which you were born affects your personality. And when you sit down and do nothing, the anger can build. Thanks for being with us here on Focus on the Family. And in order to donate and get your copy of The Birth Order Book, stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. The rules are one person speaks for three minutes. (Laughter) And us little babies need strokes. Or call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman explains how birth order affects your relationships with your spouse, and offers advice on managing challenges in your marriage that stem from your placement in your family of origin. When you go down the judgment trail, now the defenses go up. With all your years of experience, Kevin, as a marriage and family psychologist, what would you say is the number one secret of successful marriages? Hit me. Jim: Is that typical? They have friends outside of the family, which is key. It’s that little note you wrote and put a stamp on it, put it in the mail. Kevin: They go potty in groups of six, eight…. Kevin: No. No Apologies® Sponsorship Fund. We don’t need to do anything for your birthday.”, Jean: Well, that – well, that’s the problem. Or call 800, a letter A and the word FAMILY. I remember coming home from CBS television in New York and I said to Mrs. Uppington, I said, “Hey, you never said that you liked my spot or not?” And she said, “Oh, you were good.” (Laughter), John: That communicates a message. Bill Gates, Jr., I mean, I know he’s a college dropout, but the guy did pretty good. I say, “Women lie like dogs,” with tongue-in-cheek. Because you have all these people who know exactly how life oughta be. Kevin: We practice what we call “natural tithing” in the Leman family, which means, if we see a need in someone’s life and we can help meet that need, we do that. Explain that need, uh, where you and I have, you know, maybe played that out in our marriage – communication. That’s physically and emotionally. I’m like Jim. That’s the point where you have the intimate connection. Living Well After Middle Age (Digital) MSRP: $1.99 $0.00. Kevin: Yeah (laughter). Where is God in this whole thing? Now lots of times you might just say, “All right, listen. Jim: Right. Listen to Kevin Leman Collection by Focus on the Family Daily Radio Broadcast on Apple Music. Jim: (Laughter) This is bad. Jim: It does. When they asked me to do this book, I had a conversation with Mrs. Uppington, my bride. The world record for the longest marriage ever held is by Zelmyra and Herbert Fisher. Okay? About us . You’ll get immediate results that tell you what areas you’re succeeding in, and then some places you might need to strengthen. In one of my books, I talk about daddy attention deficit disorder. Consist of 12 parenting hot tip magnet 1: Love Your Kids and Let Them Know 2: Family Fun Time Builds Memories 3: Teach Them To Appreciate Gift 4: Avoid Yelling Its Useless 5: Remember That Kids Spell LOVE as Time 6: Groom Them With Loving 7: Leave Them Footprints You Want 8: Affirm Them For A Good Thought or 9: Step Into Their World 10: Share With Them Joyful and Sad 11: Accept Them for … I say, we’re night-and-day different. Authors Greg Smalley and his brother Michael help men know how to better communicate and interact within their primary relationships, especially their marriages. I need this woman in my life. And I don’t know what a pediatric dentist does, to tell ya the truth, except work on little kids’ teeth, I guess. Author Sarah Smith shares her journey through caring for her mother as she battles Alzheimer’s. 800-232-6459. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. And -and they didn’t do anything. Kevin: I mean, she does. And Dr. Leman is an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, educator, speaker. Her real name is Sande, but my nickname for her is Mrs. Uppington because she’s the classy one of the two of us. The cake is gonna fall. A couple's level of oneness is usually evident in their level of companionship, commitment and passion for each other. (Part 1 of 2). The problem is, if you’ve married a woman who came out of a very dysfunctional family, who didn’t have a loving father, No. If anything is gonna overcome this great dysfunction in a family, it’s the love of Jesus Christ in one’s life. And I remember telling you…, Jean: …”Jim, I don’t want you to buy me a gift for my birthday.”, Jim: “I’m good. Creating a happy, fulfilling, lifelong marriage may be simpler than you think! You sleep well?” – nothing, not even a grunt. For couples in crisis – you can still put the pieces of your marriage back together with Hope Restored. Kevin: But that’s the influence of those sisters above you. Kevin: –twins break up the birth order. Dr. Kevin Leman discusses the difference between encouraging and praising your children. FamilyLife. Have a New Kid by Friday shows parents how to reverse negative behavior in their children--fast With his signature wit and encouragement, Dr. Leman offers them hope and real, practical, doable strategies for regaining control and becoming the parents they always wanted to be. Jonathan McKee offers parents practical advice and encouragement in a discussion based on his book If I Had a Parenting Do Over: 7 Vital Changes I’d Make. Her name might be Mary Lou, but everybody still calls her “Buffy,” you know. Go ahead. Kevin: Just gimme the – gimme the address. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 … How do you differentiate between sharing your feelings and sharing judgment about the other person’s feelings? Have a wallpaper party and just invite your firstborn girlfriends to help you wallpaper a room. Some people are listening thinking, okay, this sounds good. Jim: Men do scratch their head at that one. And he described the firstborn as organized, doesn’t like surprises, reliable, conscientious, a list maker, an achiever. I say, “I got a great suggestion for you. Jim Daly's wife, Jean, joins the conversation to offer her insights from their marriage of over 30 years. Jim heard me telling him – he thought I was saying, “Don’t do anything.”, Jim: Well, can I – what I heard was, “You got the day off.”. And, again, talk to a group of women. Creating a happy, fulfilling, lifelong marriage may be simpler than you think! Because temper equals control and that’s why I say to all your parents who are listening, if you got kids who when they lose, they throw a temper tantrum and stuff, you better deal with that right up straight right now quickly. Uh, you say, “True intimacy in marriage starts with recognizing each other’s needs.” That’s what you’re expressing. Kevin: –she doesn’t even see God as the loving Father. And then we also would suggest you get a copy of The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman, which is packed full of insights and wisdom, some of which you heard today. And that’s a good thing, because simply marrying outside of your birth order increases the probability of success in marriage. Kevin: And I thought, oh, my goodness, he just described my brother. Leman, we never got to your birth order. When those firstborn, middle borns and last borns get older and now they’re gonna marry somebody. Right. And we’re going to press pause in the conversation today but come back to part two next time in our conversation with Dr. Kevin Leman. Dr. Leman is a frequent contributor to CNN’s American Morning with Paula Zahn. They hug anything that moves. And she’s got this stuff she puts on her face. So, if that’ll help people with that 3-1-1 concept, the point is, you need to make time to talk. (Laughter), Kevin: Well, and here’s other thing. Kevin: But for the rest of us, just hold hands, eyeball to eyeball. Kevin: Listen, that is such a good question for all of you who are looking for Mr. or Mrs. Jim: Because of, uh, the humor of it all, let’s quickly restate the three things that, uh, men need to know about wives. Got away with murder. (Laughter) And I’m here to tell you, that’s what us babies are good at. Just notice, I – I – I think God was the original humorist when he came up with this one – “The two shall become one” – because it’s so – we’re so different. Kevin: Just like forgiveness is a learning process. I gotta live one.” Uh, she really thought that they were…, Kevin: …the property of Ventana Canyon because they do have some ducks up there, but…. And my plea to women – because they tell me, “My husband doesn’t talk.” Your husband will talk, but you have to know how to approach this dude, OK? Your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller. And for those who aren’t familiar with Dr. Leman, he’s an internationally known psychologist and speaker and a very popular guest here on Focus. When you become a monthly supporter or give a gift of any amount today, I’ll send you a copy of Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, The Intimate Connection, to say thank you and to help you create the soul connection in your own marriage. We’ve been amazed to see how God has provided this year and allowed us to continue helping hurting couples even and especially during the pandemic. And I so appreciate Jean, you know, working to figure that out, that she can’t…. But it’s like making a cake, Jim. It’s like diggin’ your own pot there…. Kevin: Yeah. So…, John: This is Focus on the Family. Why? Kevin: And she puts it on her face, and it takes a while for the beauty to come forth. You pushed six and half hours to bring this little one to life, eight and a half for that middle child. Kevin: Because of age grouping or the sex or something, one of those attributes. Is that typical? Let’s keep this a secret, but I’ll tell you. If that describes you, please reach out to us. Office: 9.00am - 5.30pm (Mon-Fri) Bookstore: 10.00am - 5.30pm (Mon-Fri) Closed: Sat-Sun & Public Holidays Arf, arf! If a person really loves God, if they really love God, they’re gonna do what the Bible tells ‘em to do and they’re gonna be a good husband and good wife. What are the core things they need? John: That’s something good to remember for all of us and it really connects so well with what Dr. Kevin Leman has for us today in this broadcast. Kevin: Well, thanks for the quiz. Your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller. Jim: Yeah, this is the perfect setup for the next question which I wanted to ask. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order Book, Have a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. Twins—. Kevin: With me – this just for me. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Uh, and so many times it’s just easy with all the stress on couples today, so many men and women who have young children are in the workplace. So–. So, your support goes twice as far to give even more families hope. How about Jacob and Esau and a bowl of porridge?” I mean, there’s a lot of things where brothers or sisters are diametrically different personalities. It’s that little touch. That’s God’s plan. And we had two ducks fly into our pool, and those little suckers stayed there for three days. (Laughter) Are you the boss? Invest in our younger generation by giving to the No Apologies® programme! But I always kid people. (Laughter). John: It really is a great tool. There’s only so many positions in birth order that you can be. You were discouraged. It was a big affair. Now why would I pick on temper? Kevin: …Coming to help her. I mean, they’re advanced from the rest of us. I think in our marriage counseling here, similar to what you experienced, Kevin. Kevin: –understand it, yes. “Hey, honey, I’d like to ask your opinion about somethin’ that I’ve really been struggling with.” Now the ears are open. It’s got a nice family flavor. Pray for a husband that’s near super human, because he’s gotta come around and just love you. There’s only so many attributes that we have. Office: 9.00am - 5.30pm (Mon-Fri) Bookstore: 10.00am - 5.30pm (Mon-Fri) Closed: Sat-Sun & Public Holidays Actually, Jean—. And I told John last night – we were visiting, and I said, at about two o’clock, she goes out and tips over the garbage in the neighborhood and then comes back to bed. Once you get to large families and again, today a large family is a family of four, for Pete’s sake. “Hello?” “Uh, yes, this is Sande Leman. I’ll just be a few minutes,” you know? Jim: But she’s not the last. This one oughta get right to the heart of the matter. Jim: Let me also ask you to consider supporting the ministry of Focus on the Family. Uh, so it’s affection, communication, commitment to the family. LEARN MORE. Jim: Well, let me say publicly, thank you, Kim and Dee for that influence. Kevin: And that’s just the reality of how – don’t – don’t write me a nasty letter. (Laughter) But opposites do attract. Understanding How Birth Order Impacts Your Marriage, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, Finding God’s Beauty in Alzheimer’s and Dementia, Men and Relationships: What Works and What Doesn’t (Part 2 of 2), Men and Relationships: What Works and What Doesn’t (Part 1 of 2), Balancing Bonding and Boundaries as a Parent. Related Pages. Pastors in the throes of depression and single parents barely getting by. Kevin: Real quickly. And you have to be other-people centered. So, join the support team today. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 … But she’s a functional only child. Kevin: Yes. You weren’t encouraged. That’s basically what it is for women. Kevin: Feelings aren’t right or wrong. “How are you doing? Kevin: …Yeah. Kevin: Well, let’s start with, if both of us were the same, there’d be little use for one of us. Log In. He and his wife, Sande, reside in Tucson, Ariz., and have five children and several grandchildren. She takes on a lot more of the middle child negotiator skill set. OK, so the other thing – early in our marriage – we were probably year number three – I can remember specifically a moment where we’re brushing our teeth in the morning together, and I’m chipper as can be because it’s morning. Isn’t it? So again, affection, communication – and that means you take time to do that. Jean: I know. In fact, we were talkin’ about birth order that day. Jean: Right. He is former consulting psychologist for Good Morning America and has been a guest on The View, Today, Fox & Friends and Focus on the Family. Original Air Date: February 16, 2015 Hey, Harry, pick up line one. There was no burnt breakfast in bed from the boys, and there were no handmade cards from the boys. I hope you know that by now. And that leads to fulfillment. And here’s my prediction. And now that I’m older, I mean, I’m drooling at 8:30. But she’s the last daughter. Your gift will make our programmes more affordable for any family, bringing them a step closer towards a stronger bond with one another. Jim: So, she’s in there trying to be [a] peacemaker, and I think my spontaneity kind of drives (chuckling) her crazy. Kevin: In many ways – and women are the relational gurus of our society. Let me ask you this question, that 80-20 rule. And I thought – for a long time, I thought, “Why is she mad at me?” I mean, I’m serious. I get it. Dr. Kevin Leman shares encouragement to help you live up to your highest goals. John: And if you need help our number is 800-A-FAMILY or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. There’s times I’m ashamed of how I think, ashamed of how I act, ‘cause it’s so easy as a baby to think about only yourself. Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman explains how birth order affects your relationships with your spouse, and offers advice on managing challenges in your marriage that stem from your placement in your family of origin. Now, ladies probably know what Nine West is. Focus on the Family began airing in 1977. Anything where technology pays off huge, you’re most likely to find the firstborn. Home » Episodes » Focus on the Family Broadcast » Understanding How Birth Order Impacts Your Marriage. Kevin: Pretty good match. I – I finally got the address out of her. Pick it up from there because we didn’t get all five. Focus on the Family is a half-hour daily dose of encouragement and advice for the family with Jim Daly and John Fuller. And there’s Nine West shoe store. So, there’s opposites that attract that aren’t good, healthy marriages, because one person does all the controlling and the other is beaten over the head like a baby seal. Author . I love their answer. Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman shares insight from his book, What a Difference a Mom Makes, on the importance of the mother-son relationship. That’s what you call a spit in your soup, by the way. Uh-oh, yellow flag, big time. “I’ll be a few moments. (Part 1 of 2), Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. Your monthly support helps families thrive. Jim: John, we took a pretty lighthearted approach to this topic, but I know this can really be a serious pain point for many couples. Do you forgive me? It’s that single rose. Now Mrs. …. Jim: So, you need to talk about those things, though. Jim: Have you …okay, have you ever paid them back for that? Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order Book, Have a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. So, there’s five kids in my family. You have to understand he needs to be wanted and needed by you. Jim: No, that’s good. So many young people are waiting to get married. They’re like that little rabbit that keeps goin’. Jim: Well, and that’s what’s so wonderful. We’re supercharged. Add to Cart. And yet, my brother was an A student, like my older sister, okay. We often talk about how opposites attract. It’s amazing. Jean: And so, I mean, we had to talk about that. Create New Account. (Laughter). Gimme the cross streets. Dr. Kevin Leman) [Marriage]" and more. Again, I say it with tongue in cheek, but they are weird. The world record for the longest marriage ever held is by Zelmyra and Herbert Fisher. Jim: (Laughter) I think we’re getting there. Jim: OK. You know Jean’s loadin’ up here, man. John Fuller: That’s Dr. Kevin Leman, and he joins us today on this best of 2020 episode of Focus on the Family, giving advice on having a lifelong romance with your spouse. Now follow your feelings. It is now carried daily on 2,000 radio outlets in the United States and has become one of today's most recognized Christian radio programs. And so, we come broken. There’s something special about one child in the family, so that kid could be in the second, third, fourth or even fifth position and still have firstborn-like qualities. And then later with kids – that’s when I wanna talk about the problems with the kids. (Part 2 of 2). So, middle children tend to roll differently than the rest of the flock. You know, they’re little adults by age 7. Kevin: Yeah. I shake my head sometimes. You have to understand who she is. Kevin: Mrs. Upington, of course, is my pet name for my firstborn wife, who loves restaurants with four and five forks. 71K Views. Learn more about Dr. Leman by visiting his websites, drleman.com and birthorderguy.com. You – one of the, I thought, good tools that you talk about in the book The Intimate Connection is the 3-1-1 rule. We spent $29 for flowers on our wedding. And it’s sort of like – I hate to use this analogy, but I think it’s a good one – you have the flu. We’ll deeply appreciate any gift you can make today. -76%. You know, it’s all about a relationship. Do you find that because some people will say, “Well, that’s not me. So, when you say, “Why do you feel that way?” you’re just being demeaning to your mate – so saying things like, “Honey, I’ll – tell me more about that. They negotiated for everything they ever had in life. Would you join the team of listeners who make this ministry possible? Donate today when you call 800-A-FAMILY or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. You – we don’t understand each other? On the other hand, as a middle child, you have to understand this spouse needs a few fish thrown their way, like a … like you’d throw a few fish to a seal. It’s already forgiven. Does she love God? Jim: But I would think, especially, you know, in my case, I would say, I’m average in those kind[s] of discipline categories, but I’m more extroverted. Kevin: And the publisher said, “Kevin, you cannot have a title like that.” I said, “I like it. Kevin: Now check this out. And, you know…, Jean: “…Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and this and that…”, Jean: And that’s when I want to talk about – resolve, like, our deep relational issues…, Jean: …is the moment we put our heads on the pillows. We want to encourage you to get a – we want to encourage you to get your copy at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. So, you’re gonna face each other. Kevin: It happens all the time and the variables of birth order, you really have to understand the variables, or you won’t grasp what we’re talking about today. So, when you say, put some meat on the bone here for us, those are the kinds of things you learn to say to your bride or to your groom. John: Uh … I didn’t ask, Jim, if we could do this, but it’d be kind of fun to hear you give an assessment of where he and Jean might be (Laughter) as a couple. But I’ve got news for you. Jean and I actually…. Kevin: Well, really, I mean, babies have the skill to sell dead rats for a living. John: It was. Jim: Kevin, let’s get practical. If your marriage isn’t struggling, but you want to give families hope this Christmas season, please become a Focus supporter today. Jim: OK, now the opposite again – just to recap, um, what wives need to understand about helping the needs of her husband. Jim: Well, let me ask you about that. But take three minutes, and there’s an issue, OK? Well …. Kevin: Let me give you – uh, you know I said that women are weird. Now again, I’m steppin’ on a lot of toes here, ‘cause there’s a lot of women and men who have grown up in a home where the critical eye reigned and you were put down. Just say we – we follow our feelings for the next thirty days together. How does a last born and a middle child in a marriage, how do they communicate better? Jim: Well, in your book The Intimate Connection, you mention this context of, have a lifestyle of intimacy. When you share feelings, it draws you together. What’s your birth order?” Well, the guy’s countin’ down with fingers, you know? 1, she’s got all kinds of issues with God, because she–. Several years ago, a reporter asked the Fisher’s, what is the most important thing to remember when marriage gets hard? Hear all of the year's best advice and encouragement on topics related to marriage, parenting, faith, and more! Middle children are great at other-people centered. But you got to speak well of him, especially in front of other people. So, Dr. Kevin Leman, author of the book, The Birth Order Book, we’re grateful to have you here. He was about 3’6″ tall – little guy. Your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller. You know, as a man, just a reminder – this is simple as ABC – affection, OK? Jean: Um, I was a night person – little less of one now. I would like to subscribe to Focus on the Family Malaysia's e-newsletter (includes relevant insights on important family life topics, recommendation of useful resources and event updates). But this communication thing with women – I gotta tell ya a story about, uh, Mrs. Uppington because I had to take Lauren, our youngest daughter – by the way, Lauren was a little surprise. 1. Opposite from the firstborn. She says, “Did you have to blow your nose in your tie, really?”, Jim: (Laughing) Oh, my goodness! And so, it’s really important that you – to quote my favorite – one of my favorite all-time movies, What About Bob?…. He’s a guy that needs not ever demand anything from you and just to accept you, so that you have a chance at loving this husband that you’ve fallen in love with. It’s not gonna be a good cake. (Laughter). Now I know I’m steppin’ on some toes when I say these words believe me. Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. About fifteen percent of marriages are not represented in what I’m about to tell ya. We have our Hope Restored marriage intensive. And we care about your marriage. 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